There aren’t many good single men left on the streets of New York City. It seems like that’s what everyone is telling us. And when Deanna* moved into the city late 2021 she was the first to see if there was any truth to the assertion. Newly single after the boyfriend she had been with for three years separated from her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was at this time that a private group on Facebook called Do You Dating the same Guy NYC was announced as a good feature to follow. The group included a strict prescreening questionnaire and community rules that acted as a barrier to entry. It had more than 43,000 members strong. Deanna was intrigued, so she enrolled.
The community
The group was formed with the sole purpose of helping women verify whether their partners were seeing others – was founded in March 2022. In fact, nearly every big US city has a similar community now and the rules are clear: Anyone has the right to write anonymously, without doxxing or posting information that is sensitive, or in any way screen captures be removed from the community. No bullies, no victim-blaming, no hate speech. Do not tell someone that you’ve been posted in the group. Following the scandal on the heels of West Elm Caleb, a man with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots online, it became apparent that lots of women were searching for a way of seeking out people like him.Read more https://datingfortodaysman.com/ At website Articles As one TikTok user wrote at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
It’s a lot like what the group had turned into before Deanna joined. Each time, Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a location for women who are seeking romantic advice or want to warn about people with whom they’ve had negative dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, this practice that involves sending them other women to attract them on social media sites has also become very common. It’s easy to fall down a rabbit in the midst of screen-shot Hinge profiles, tales about hookups that have gone wrong, as well as memes on the challenges of modern day dating. The most well-known posts feature pictures of a man with his first name, asking the question of whether anyone has been matched to or dated the individual the person in question. Red flag emojis are a common display on small but alarming messages warning users of a former lover or bad experience of a bad date, usually with a downward arrow and the ominous text See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our prospects in recent years alike to a study finding that about 39 percent of heterosexual couples have met their spouse online. So it makes sense that the romantic aspect of romance has to adapt to the new digital age. Instead of hanging out with few friends drinking a glass of wine or venting to colleagues, we are seeking the counsel of 43,000 women going through similar-and sometimes similar experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie who is a group member. Not to say that there’s not advantages, but it was certainly useful for me in terms of reframing my thoughts about dating. It’s not about competing to other females, rather instead holding men to a higher expectation than I was previously.
It’s obvious to me that some of the behavior which is promoted and facilitated through Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be unsettling if they were displayed by potential partners. Photos, private conversations, and screenshots that are posted without the consent of another party or knowledge are plentiful. People look through social media profiles on an almost daily basis. And it’s not that difficult to have a relationship to be the center of attention. Though Deanna likes being a part of the group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she admits. But I think you get into a situation where you can end up with this echo chamber of ‘Men have got us in trouble all day, we’re ready to give it back.
We are still an patriarchal society
The world is still an age of patriarchy. So until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will differ in the reverberations based upon the person’s history. In the end, could a community like this really have active empowerment on one side of the spectrum and an abominable to the point of being incensed on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? It’s hyperlocal and social, only beneficial for those who live or date in the town the group is based in. The women, and the men they write about may be your neighbors your coworker, friend family member, or most recently Hinge match. And yet, there’s a loss of personalization that occurs when operating on the internet, making it all feel like a game. It’s not a stretch to argue that this can be considered as a snub to the dates in both of these groups. This is especially true when details about private interactions, conversations and even pictures were shared without knowledge or consent, often as a means of entertainment.